The Key to Personal Success
Preface
This is a compilation of material by different specialists in the field of personal success. As a researcher into personal development systems I have brought together some of the better articles I have found and present them to you here in one handy source. I hope you find this little book helps you find your own personal success!
Chapter 1 Starting Your Day off the RIGHT Way
The morning is the most important time of the day. Why? - Because it can easily set the mood for the rest of your day! - This is due to many reasons. One of the most significant is that it is much easier (scientifically, almost 25 times easier) to develop short term paradigms (viewpoints) upon first waking up. When you first awaken, your mind is slowly leaving the delta state, (low brain wave frequency) where it is most easily influenced by mental suggestion. In other words, your mind is most open – and what you put in it will stay in it, until at least the end of the day. It is for this reason that often, if you are awakened by a sound or a song, you may be able to easily recall it again and again throughout the day (even if it’s a song you cannot stand!).
That being said, it is absolutely critical that you start your day off on the “right side of the bed.” Any negative thoughts you have will shape your subconscious for the entire day. Realize, if you wake up and say “Sh*t… today’s gonna suck…”, then it will suck! - Your sub conscious would be imbued with a belief that “today sucks” and would work with your mental filtering systems and all of your senses to perceive information accordingly. There’s a lot to it, but the point of this article is to give you a list of tips to start your day off the right way… so back on track.
We know you’re busy as #%$! In the morning and don’t have time for therapeutic, two hour spa sessions when you’re trying to get to work or class on time. Therefore, this list is as “grounded” as is possible, and you can start using it – Now.
Also, for the record, we DO use every single one of these ourselves.
1. Initial Wake up
GET UP! FAST! When you wake up, get out of bed as fast as you can! (without sending yourself into cardiac arrest, of course.) Waste no time in getting up. The best cure for procrastination is action – so if you’re procrastinating about getting out of bed, just force yourself to get up! …and wallah! - Problem solved! Jumping out of bed will spike your metabolism,and will end all thoughts of “just lying there” a little bit more. As an added bonus, I put my alarm clock on the other side of the room – forcing me to jump out of bed and go turn it off… and once I’m ou t, I stay out!
2. Light
The power of light is severely underestimated by most people. How? It has profound effects upon body chemistry and energy levels. You circadian rhythm (based on light levels) affects nearly all aspects of your physiology. Over 200 processes are controlled by the level of and type of light that you receive, including heart rate, digestion, appetite and thirst, fluid balance, stress level, emotions, immunity, hunger, energy, blood pressure, body temperature, physical strength, reaction times, sexual appetite, urine production and brain balance – just to name a few. Bright, natural light is ideal for bringing the most energy to all these systems. The more light you receive, the more serotonin your pineal gland produces – a “feel good” neurotransmitter. The less light received, the more melatonin your pineal gland produces. Melatonin is essentially a depressant / sedative. This explains why humans living in Spain are some of the most upbeat, positive beings on the planet, where as residents in Norway or Russia are some of the most depressed. Your body makes melatonin at night, and makes serotonin during the day. So, the sooner you turn on the lights, or open the blinds preferably, the sooner your body’s systems will increase their energy levels. The longer you keep it dark, the harder it will be to wake up – that simple.
3. Wake Up to a Clean Room
This one may not seem that significant, but believe me – it is. Waking up to a clean, organized room has a positive first impression upon your mind. Waking up to clutter, dirty clothes, and piles of beer cans from the night before does not. This may seem like a bit of a feng shui thing, but give it a try, and you will realize – it does work. It’s easier to vacate a room when it’s clean, pristine, and relatively organized / empty, versus one that is piled high and more “cozy.” Keep your room stark… put thi ngs away from you’re done using them. It will help.
4. Fresh Air
Open the window. No matter what season it is. Open the window… even if it is just a crack. Your bedroom has sat stagnant all night, void of fresh air, especially if you leave your door closed as I do. When you open the window (and the door preferably) you create a cross draft to bring in fresh air. You have lowered the oxygen level by rebreathing the same air in the room at night. However, as soon as you open the window, you bring in fresh air with high oxygen levels – instantly raising your energy level. Even if it is 10 degrees out, open the window just a tad. When it’s cold out, it will have even more of an effect – the cool, denser air will carry more oxygen, and the temperature alone will help you to awaken.
5. Music
Music is a huge part of my morning. Even if you are not musically motivated, music can shape your mornings. Turn on music as soon as you can after waking up. Make sure it is something positive and uplifting – as chances are it may become stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Personally, I love pounding trance in the morning – it’s positive, uplifting chords and driving bass last with me all day. Make sure you’re listening to something that pulls you up… not down. The effect o f music upon the brain is something we will discuss down the road – stay tuned. Also, if music is not available, any high frequency sound chords can work. Birds chirping, wind chimes, ect – all help awaken and sooth the mind.
6. Food
Start your morning off with a full glass of water before you eat anything else – This is essential. Toxins have been ejected from tissue and line your throat and mouth (thus, morning-breath) and the last thing you want to do is to allow them to adhere to your breakfast. Drink a full glass of water –and give it ten minutes. If you have an empty stomach, the toxins will be flushed down, and pass out with your urine, with no food to absorb them. Ten minutes later, you may eat your breakfast. The subject of a healthy breakfast is obviously a lengthy subject, but I’ll be brief – DO NOT SKIP BREAKFAST. They’re not lying when they say it’s the most important meal of the day. Your body has been starved for eight hours or more, and breakfast is crucial. Breakfast jumpstarts your metabolism, ends your body’s “hoarding mode” from the night, and will actually help you lose weight and stay lean if you chose the proper foods. Make sure you eat some fruit, some protein, and some carbs. My typical weekend breakfast consists of an orange and three scrambled eggs… ver y basic, but quite healthy. If you’re eating loads of sugary cereal, or worse, doughnuts for breakfast, you need to go do some basic research online on how to eat healthy. You could be lean and good looking, but lack energy, and your arteries may be 90% blocked – as a result of your diet.
7. Cold shower
Take a cold shower. Yes, freezing cold is unbearable. You don’t have to do it that way. Start it off hot… like me. Then, after you’re medium-toasty (not well-toasty... it will make you more tired), put it on cold for as long as you can take it. Then, put it on hot for a minute… then cold for a minute. Repeat the hot-cold cycle a few times – this will not only wake you up fast, but it will expand and contract your pores to force out toxins and oils from the night. End the shower with a cold rinse – you want to be cold when you step out… it’s critical, as it will raise your meta bolism, and keep it there. Try the cold shower thing for a week – you’ll notice a difference. A long, hot shower depresses your physiological systems and makes you want to go back to bed. A cold, invigorating shower will wake you up – fast. Try it.
8. Make Your Bed
This doesn’t serve as much of a purpose for in the morning, as it does for in the evening. I’ll explain how it works from my situation. I wake up. I do my morning routine. I (in this example) do not make my bed. I leave. I work all day, and at the end of the day, I think of all the projects that I am going to work on when I get home. However, when I get home into my room, I suddenly feel tired… there’s something drawing me t o my bed. The covers are thrown back – like a great, yawning mouth of gaping comfort… calling for me to dive in after a long day at work. So I do – I jump in, cover up, get all toasty, and sleep away half of my evening – only to go to bed again a few hours later. Leaving your bed unmade kills your motivation. Not only does it appear messy, which drains your energy in its own right, but it also invites you back in repeatedly, when you usually cannot afford to. So, make your bed. You’ll notice you get more things done in the evening.
9. Time Savers
There are several small, simple things you can do to save time in the morning. For one, if you check your computer in the morning (MySpace, Facebook, email, stocks, weather, ect), then try this. Rather than shutting down your computer at night, put it in standby. You will save a few minutes over turning it on, and it won’t use any more electricity. If it takes your computer four minutes to boot up, multiplied over a year, that is over 24 hours! An entire day you would save if you followed the routine everyday. Another rather obvious tip is to put all your “to-go” items in one spot. Put your phone, wallet (or purse), watch, rings, notepad, ID badge, car keys, ect; all on the same part of the counter, or in a bowl perhaps. It will save you time searching for everything. Additionally, whatever time you are waking up now, wake up ten minutes earlier. It makes a world of difference in the morning. If you can get over the “I could sleep for ten more minutes” thinking, you will reap amazing benefits. Ten minutes can take a lot of the edge off of your morning, allowing you to take your time as you go about your routine. It can save you money as well. I can tell you in my case that if I leave a few minutes early, rather than driving 80 MPH to make it to work on time, I can drive 65-70 MPH, which, due to exponential drag and air resistance, is optimum gas mileage speed for my car, and saves me a few bucks each week in gas.
10. Self-Talk
Chapter 2 Know Yourself
How Can You Know Yourself?
Most every self-help courses start with the idea that you must know yourself before you can know what you are going to do and how you will act with others. Even he Bible tells us to "Know thyself." before you can know God. Even though most people would claim they know who they are, in reality they don't. People may have a general idea of what they like or want or may even have some sort of direction; but they don't pursue what really makes them function as they do. Why do you react the way you do? What makes you get angry or happy? Most people can't begin to answer these questions about themselves. This is why some people require long term therapy with an analyst to help solve their problems. Psychiatrist can detect the complexities of people much better than the individuals themselves. They realize the layers of entrenched beliefs within the human mind must be approached with caution and restraint.
Common people do not evaluate the physiological side of someone else, because they could not detect abnormal traits without proper training. Even if they tried it would still take a trained professional to make a valid evaluation. Any evaluation of a person would differ from person to person. Certainly your evaluation of yourself would be strikingly different than any persons' evaluation of you. You would tend to be harder in your assessment of yourself than someone else. Why? Because you know what your expectations are, and if you are living up to them.
Only you would know what you believe in and how you would react to different stimuli. Another person's evaluation would be based on their own value system and their perception of how it should be structured. We see ourselves and the world from the inside out, others see us from the outside in. They see a projection of us, like an actor in a play. Remember the saying, "the world is a stage and we are only actors," well it's true. You project what you believe to be appropriate for the particular situation. That is why it is called "action" because you become engaged as the actor in the act. Because your actions are determined by your associations and experiences. How past encounters are interpreted will establish precedence for how it affects you in the future. No two individuals will make the same judgments and have the same reactions to a given situation. Just like everyone looks different and sounds different they also see the world from a slightly different angle, color and emotion. For a person to know him/herself is to have self assurance, but then, everyone harbors some fears and doubts that they don't know about.
You can set down and self-evaluate yourself, but your examination would be bias and would never be true in the eyes of someone else. Their examination of you would always be tainted by their own self serving eccentrics. You can only make a determination of how you are going to accept or reject any particular person or thing, but not why you made the assessment. True assessments come from a mixture of previous determinations. These are accounted as values and morals which are driven by your individual, social, financial, physical, interaction, and religious considerations. These differences are what makes you an individual. The fact is, you can know what you want but never totally why you want it. The most valuable contribution you can make to yourself is in the quality of your relationships with others. Be truthful, faithful, and diligent in all that you do. Honesty, and forthrightness, comes as a result of your doing the right thing. So, don't worry who you are but rather concentrate on how you are.
Develop a positive attitude
No one is guaranteed to live life in a rose garden. You are bombarded daily with stressful and negative events that there is no getting around. At times life really stinks but you still have to face the relationships, jobs, financial matters, physical fitness, religion which all pose questions and all present challenges. Each phase of life will present complexities unique to that particular period in your life. How is your inner self contending with all the complexities you face on a daily bases? You will never be completely free from challenges but by knowing yourself you can face adversities with confidence. Each life event can be met with the assurance that you can and will triumph. It is important that in the face of adversity that you are collected and maintain a positive attitude. Anything can be overcome by a person who knows what his/her limits are and with the right attitude. It is attitude, without a doubt, that is the one most important things you possess, and guess what, you are in control of it. It's up to you how you greet the world and everyone in it. Positive is met with positive, and your positive attitude will reflect a winning personality. Let’s face it, success and failure are the same, only on opposite sides of the rule. It’s the law of cause and effect. If effects are to be changed, the cause must be altered. It’s the law, nothing personal, it’s the same for everyone.
Chapter 3 Be Positively Passionate
True passion is one of the most powerful feelings one may feel in their lifetime. One can become so passionate about something that they feel they would die for it (and sometimes do.) It may be one of the most powerful of all human emotions. Passion can be harnessed for good, or for evil. It is when people harness their passions in positive ways that the world is shaped in a beautiful way.
These people are not lazy, unambitious, unmotivated, depressed bags of flesh that mope about all day wallowing in self-pity. They are alive, energetic, proactive and dynamic beings who have come to fully realize the divine potential within their own mind, body, life and soul.
As you'll learn in many of our products, the people that you surround yourself with have a huge impact on your mind, and thus your life. Therefore, surround yourself with as many positively passionate people as you can, and you will find yourself becoming like them. To help you identify these people, we've listed eight broad characteristics below. You can also model yourself after these - and you will find your level of passion increases accordingly.
Lives life fully
The positively passionate person lives life to its fullest - everyday. They know how to have a great time. They know when to be spontaneous. They see the beauty in everyday living, and in all of creation. They realize that ultimately life isn't defined by thoughts - it's defined by the actions that arise from those thoughts. Thus, they master their mind, and simultaneously master their actions. Their actions and feelings which arise as a result of their thoughts are what allow them to lead an amazing, fulfilling life.
Unstoppable
The positively passionate person is unstoppable in all that they do. They are aware of the immeasurable value of perseverance. They never give upon what they have set their mind too - no matter what gets in their way. They realize that they are the only one that can stop themselves. They don't let the negative feedback of others stand between them and their dreams. They know that good things take time. They never surrender - they always move forward, until they reach their goals.
Takes risks
The positively passionate person takes risks when appropriate - knowing that risks are the only way to grow. Unless they risk something, even if very small, they will not grow. They realize they must step outside of their comfortable current conditions in order to achieve anything. They take wise, informed risks in order to achieve what they desire.
Assertive
The positively passionate person is assertive in all decisions. They are intuitive, use good judgment, and make good decisions - fast. When confronted with a choice, they draw upon their own past experiences and external information - which they filter with their critical thinking skills - to reach a decision. They trust in themselves, and have confidence in their choice.
Focused
The positively passionate person remains focused at all times. They focus on their dreams and goals until they become a reality. They decide what they want, how they will get it, and then focus on it with all their power until they make it happen. They only allow things to enter their life that will help them achieve what they have set out to do - they develop powerful paradigms and mental filters that only accept positive thoughts in order to bring them closer to their goals.
Creative
The positively passionate person cultivates and utilizes their inner creativity. They create ways to reach their goals and to overcome obstacles placed in their path. They strive for innovation and for new, better, easier ways to do things. They use the power of their mind and their subconscious to show them the way. They utilize techniques such as those taught by our company to find inventive ways to crystallize their dreams.
Self-Evolved
The positively passionate person is self-evolved. They are self-confident, introspective, self-guided, and self-reliant. They have learned how to rely on themselves through the good and the bad. They are the reason that they are where they are, and that they are who they are. They use the lessons of the past to their advantage, and learn from every mistake. They examine their own mind and soul regularly, and learn to understand and control their every thought, feeling, and action. They know where they have been, and they know where they are going. If they do not like something, they change it. They continuously strive to move along the path to their dreams, and fully realize that they are the only vehicle that will take them there.
Mastery of subconscious
The positively passionate person has mastered their own subconscious mind. They realize that every thought and thus every action is a result of what has been put into their mind. They have a powerful, positive belief system and mental filters that allow them to recognize positive things in the world around them that they can use to reach their goals. They have positive habits and a positive self image, and everything produced by their mind conforms to their positive beliefs. They take on the rightful duty of programming their own mind - of eliminating negative programming, and positively affirming and regularly reaffirming every desirable aspect of their own being. They use mental tools and techniques, such as those we offer, to program their mind to receive exactly what they want out of life.
You'll know a positively passionate person when you see one. They are the ones that stick out above the rest - the successful ones - the happy ones. When you become passionate about something positive and follow it...
when you harness your own thoughts to get there... when you master your own mind - you become happy. Negative thoughts cannot dwell in a mind that has no place for them. Being passionate about doing something positive in the world and taking action to make it happen will not only bring happiness in your life, it can also bring happiness to those you help.
We have the tools to allow you to get whatever you want out of life. You have the power to live your dreams. Let us help you along the way.
Chapter 4 Meditation is a Quiet Revolution
For over years, I have been meditating. For almost as many years, in workshops, consultations, friendly conversations, and writing, I have been encouraging, teaching, or leading people to meditate and create quiet times. During this time, the world has changed considerably, and so have I. My most important learning is: everyone is different. Certainly there are commonalities in meditating, but each individual is unique. I consider that meditation is one of the most empowering practices that anyone can engage in.
A "quiet revolution" is an oxymoron, of course. Meditation is generally a private, quiet practice. In North America its acceptance has changed dramatically over the last several years, although it is still not universally accepted. As with most revolutions, an underground is established before, during, and after the outward manifestations of the awakening. In this culture which I know, more and more individuals are speaking and writing about their meditation practice.
Meditating in groups is also common and very powerful, and yet each meditator still has a unique, quiet, private experience. In the workplace, meditation is rarely practiced openly, nor is it discussed, except in safe, small groups or among friends. When I was a frequent workshop presenter, I had many participants speak to me privately in hushed tones at break times to confess that they meditate. The voices may not be as hushed these days, but still there is a quietness, even a silence, about the practice in many settings.
I am comfortable with the variety of words used to describe meditation. My own purpose for meditation is to connect with the Divine and be replenished by the Source. Some speak about mystical experiences and higher consciousness, while others are more comfortable talking about relaxation, calmness, and resilience. Heightened awareness, intuition, imagery, and vision are frequently used to describe experiences of meditation. I find that helping others to express their own meditation experiences is a powerful process for them, even when the words do not flow smoothly.
No matter how or where you meditate, you must make a choice to meditate and practice it regularly in order to benefit fully. Full benefits come with regular practice over a period of time. Meditating only when stressed may certainly be beneficial in the immediate situation, but the long-term benefits of a regular practice include general well-being, health, a strong immune system, longevity, clarity of thought, and balance.
Meditation is sometimes associated with certain religions. Meditation can be practiced in any and all religions, but the two are not synonymous. In my work, I keep meditation distinct from religion; if my clients choose to join the two, that is fine. Those with strong religious beliefs gravitate to the types of meditation that fit their beliefs. Wikipedia has a comprehensive listing of meditation methods.
Regardless of the chosen method, the benefits of regular meditation, over time, are as varied as the individuals who meditate. It is quite common forlong-time meditators to acknowledge they benefit physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Recently I received an email message from a long-time meditator in India talking about her meditation experiences. It was a delight to read. It became clear to me that she has integrated the same elements that I encourage people to discover and use.
She uses her breath to relax. She has several processes to handle mind chatter and stress so that she is not disturbed by them in her meditation. She has two different "focal points" for her attention. One is a visual focus, a traditional Indian lamp, which she visualizes as divine light that lightens her heart. Another focal point is one of the most famous mantras, Om, which she chants repeatedly, finding that it takes only a brief time to achieve the state of consciousness that is her purpose for meditation. And she has a regular practice.
Her message was a beautiful summary of what many long-term meditators might report. While working with both new and long-time meditators, I have discovered that the most difficult aspect of meditation is to practice it regularly. All the elements of meditation are easy to understand, but to sit and do it challenges many new meditators.
If you have not meditated before, it may seem mysterious. However, meditation is simple. I recommend a maximum of twenty minutes for new meditators. Here are the elements:
·Arrange time when you will not be disturbed;
·Sit in a comfortable position and relax;
·Close your eyes, unless you prefer an open-eye meditation;
·Breathe intentionally for a few breaths;
·Choose a focal point, such as music, a chant, a pleasing image, a guiding voice;
·Stay with the focal point; if your mind wanders, gently return to the focal point;
·Bring the meditation to a close and return to your activities, refreshed.
If this is your first time meditating, you may feel that "nothing is happening" during the first few times you sit to meditate. That is a common sensation. At the end of your chosen meditation time, simply get up and continue with your day. The benefits are cumulative, which is why I advocate a regular practice.
If you want to meditate, yet are not meditating or are not meditating as frequently as you want, please be gentle with yourself. While it is true that only you can sit down and do it, you can also find ways to make it more appealing. In order to have a meditation practice, you must practice meditation. Above all else, follow your heart and trust your own inner guidance.
What about you? Do you want to be part of this quiet revolution? Are you already part of the revolution but wanting to meditate more regularly? If so, meditate one session at a time until it becomes a natural part of your life.
Chapter 5 The 5 Step Personal Development Plan
Personal development has become increasingly popular in today's busy world for everything from career improvement and weight loss to public speaking. While the methods and tools used to achieve the desired personal development outcome may vary from high priced seminars to moderately priced books, there are a number of simple steps that can be used to get you started on the right path to reach your own personal development goal, such as:
1) Identify the Cause
A good starting point with personal development is to look at how you got to where you are right now. For example, if your area of personal development relates to weight loss then look at what lifestyle factors contributed to your weight problem to start with. Write down everything you can think of that contributed to the problem and then analyze how you can modify each factor to get the result you desire.
2) Goal Setting
It is essential to have a clear goal in mind to achieve your own particular personal development requirements. Ask yourself exactly what it is that you wish to achieve and the more refined and clear your goal the more chance you will have of successfully attaining it.
3) Make a Plan
Once you have decided on your goal then formulate a plan that details the steps you will take to reach your goal. Use the details you uncovered when identifying the cause of the problem and expand on these to incorporate as much detail as possible on how you can achieve your personal development goal.
4) Focus and Commitment
Once you know your goal and have designed your plan you then need to focus on your goal and commit to the plan you have designed. Set aside a certain amount of time each day to work on your plan and do not allow general daily chores to distract you from what you need to do. Once you have become accustomed to working on your plan each day it will become a habit and therefore easier over time to stick too.
5) Look for Inspiration
It will be of great benefit to look for inspiration from others that have overcome the same personal development challenge as your own. This can be in the form of books, seminars, courses or even a person from your local community that you may be able to contact to get some tips or advice.
Personal development is about identifying areas of your life that you wish to change for the better and having an attitude of continual self- improvement. No matter which area of your life you intend to improve by following the steps outlined above and committing to the plan you can be assured of achieving your goals and in doing so gain more confidence to not only achieve other personal development goals but do it quicker and easier each time.
Chapter 6 Using Positive Affirmations to Achieve Success
Although people do not always realize it, they can often be limited in what they can achieve by mental boundaries. These mental boundaries can in turn be overcome by positive affirmations and affirmation enhancement. When a person is mentally limited, they may find that they are unable to complete a task or goal that they are aiming for. Whether this is career progression, overcoming money problems or even passing a driving test; being able to understand and achieve your full potential can be difficult.
Very few people manage to achieve exactly what they want to in life. Those that manage to achieve everything that they want to tend to be good at entering into a dialogue with their sub-conscious and they also tend to be open-minded as far as their perception of the potential for human- achievement goes. Positive affirmations help people achieve what they want to, and live a more fulfilling life; those that are able to free their mind to the potential for physiological modeling often manage to achieve much more than those who are skeptical from the outset.
While some people may decide that they wish to achieve financial success, others may wish to find love, or re-unite with their family for example. The truth is that everyone has the power within, and the ability to absorb enough power, to achieve their absolute full potential – through using the process of affirmation enhancement coupled with daily affirmation you can achieve exactly what you have set as your goals. While goal setting is important, you should not lose sight of how you enjoy yourself on a daily basis. That is why, with experience, you may start to use your daily affirmations as a means of ensuring that you are able to enjoy yourself on a day-to-day basis, as well as achieving strategic happiness.
As people realize, our goals can often change. One day we may wish that we were able to play an instrument for example, and then as we start to learn how to play it, the fun associated with it can often disappear. This is an example of a gateway to happiness, rather than happiness itself. For example, you may wish to learn to drive; however you only want to be able to drive so that you can work in your dream job that deems that you need a driver’s license. The driver’s license is a gateway, and in fact so is the job – everyone makes goals which they set as a means of achieving happiness. Which begs the question: can you merely affirm towards happiness, rather than the means of getting you there?
The answer is no. Through merely aiming towards your end goal of happiness, rather than the strategy to get you there, you will lose focus on what you enjoy, as well as the trial and tribulation involved in finding true happiness. While happiness is subjective, using affirmations as a means to get there can be the best solution for those with an open mind.
Chapter 7 Discover Secrets Of Acquiring Self Confidence
There are people who lack the ability to make strong decisions in life. Others are unsociable and are almost left alone often, while still others are too reliant on outside opinions and lose the independence of decision making. All these result from a lack of self-confidence.
That is why some parents of children who are exhibiting signs of lack of confidence are taking the problem very seriously. They immediately send the child to a therapy or to a behavioral treatment program.
Starting to build self-confidence:
People are not born with self-confidence. That trait is developed as a person learns more about the world from infancy to childhood to adulthood. Remember, without confidence, you would not have been able to learn how to walk, talk or do other necessary activities.
People with good self-confidence are those who have a belief that everything in life is achievable if there is proper motivation. Usually, these people are those with positive and cheerful disposition in life. Some observations also indicate that those lacking self-confidence are usually those who have experienced sad or traumatic events in the past. A dysfunctional family life in childhood can fail to provide the modeling needed for a child to emulate.
A simple disappointment can be considered a major event in a child's life, especially if the ill feelings that came along it were not properly addressed.
Thus, simple embarrassment can be a major and serious cause of lack of self-confidence in a person. Shame can easily develop.
To start building up self-confidence, it is advised that the person gain and have a positive outlook about life. He should be cheerful and fun-loving and must have a good outlook.
Tips on gaining self-confidence:
Through the years, behaviorists and experts have been sharing some basic and helpful secrets that surely and effectively help people gain and develop self-confidence. Here are some of those simple tips:
Just feel good.
People with confidence are usually those who feel good about themselves. If you feel good about yourself, confidence is a natural occurrence. It makes it easy to talk the talk and walk the walk.
If you find it hard to feel good, there is a simple tip to help you out. Think of good and fun memories, think of a fun activity, or think of a person who really makes you feel happy. Redirect your thinking and use some positive self talk, Some experts advise that thinking of a favorite celebrity or an idol could also help build good confidence and disposition.
Overcome self-consciousness.
The most potent factor in sustaining lack of self-confidence and staying stuck is self-consciousness. Why do people not feel good about themselves? Because they think they are inferior to other people. When people think they are ugly or are less desirable, they start opting to withdraw. When we judge others with our own yardstick we often come up short. Why? Because we are our own harshest critic.
Another tip is to think of other people and how they get things done, then motivate yourself to doing the same. If you want to be a millionaire do what millionaires do.
Keeping busy and productive helps. Remember, idle minds are the workshops of the devil. If you are too bored because you don't have much to do, chances are that you would start noticing yourself and then develop a sense of self-pity and affliction.
Don't criticize yourself.
Criticisms surely are constructive, but often when they come from yourself, they have adverse effects. Self-criticism could lead to too much focus on self and eventually, to the feeling of inferiority, which could lead ultimately to lack of self-confidence.
Lastly, the most effective secret to building up a firm self-confidence is a belief in self, and motivation to succeed. If you keep on comparing yourself to others, you would certainly end up feeling less confident, so stop the habit and focus on the things you can accomplish, and then just do it.
Chapter 8 Do Not Be Afraid To Ask For Help!
I used to keep problems to myself. I never want to ask for help. This is because I feel that if I ask for help, it will reflect badly on my capability to deal with personal problems. In other words, I was too proud to ask for help.
For example, if all my peers know how to swim very well and I have difficulty learning to swim, I will be too proud to ask them to share and teach me how to swim well. I am afraid that they will laugh at my inability to swim.
Another reason that I never want to ask for help is that I do not feel secure sharing my personal problems with people. I feel that if I share my personal problems with people, they think that I am a problematic person.
For example, I do not dare to share with people that I worry a lot. I feel that if I shared with people about my anxieties and worries, people will look at me strange eyes because I am different from them.
And they may outcast me.
But after sharing with people, I find that actually all people suffer from anxieties and worries at one time or other. It is normal for everyone. And they are able to offer suggestions on how to deal with anxieties and worries because they have been through it before.
Imagine if I keep these problems to myself, I may end up depressed because I feel that I am helpless in solving my problems. This vicious cycle may cause further damage in my life.
For example, if I did not share with people that I worry a lot, then I will keep thinking that I am the weird one with such a problem. Due to lack of experience in dealing with worries, I am unable to manage them well. My worries will make me feel insecure and depressed that I am not able to function properly as a normal human being. I may resort to getting drunk or taking drugs to escape from this painful feeling. In short, more damage will be done.
It is normal for people to have problems too big for them to solve alone. It is normal for such people to ask for help. Talk to people around you, especially old people. You will find that they have asked other people for help at some points of their lives.
What I am trying to highlight is that any problems that you have encountered is nothing new. History of human civilization is already so long. This means that there is definitely someone else that has encountered the same problems as you. This implies that there are ready solutions to your problems. All you have to do is to change your mindset and ask for help!
The idea that I would like to share with you:
Do not be afraid to ask for help when you need help.
* DISCLAIMER *
The author, publisher and distributors particularly disclaim any liability, loss, or risk taken by individuals who directly or indirectly act on the information contained herein. All readers must accept full responsibility for their use of this material
Chapter 9 Living with an Attitude of Gratitude
Creating an attitude of gratitude is one of the easiest steps we can take to improve our lives. The happiness that we create for ourselves by showing our appreciation has far-reaching effects, both for ourselves and for those we come into contact with. The potential for gratitude to spread beyond those people also increases significantly – it can be highly contagious. There are so many different ways that we can express an attitude of gratitude. Here are just a few:
Say “thank you”. This is the most basic and well-known way to show appreciation to others. Saying “thank you” is a great way to express your gratitude and can be done in several different forms. You can say it in person, over the phone, in a note, or in an email. Using this when it’s least expected can have significant results in lifting someone’s spirits. For example, a quick note to your child’s teacher thanking her for her hard work and patience might give her the boost of energy that she needs right when she needs it most. You may never know what effect this has had on her, but it will have an effect.
Stop complaining about your life. Even as tough as life can be sometimes, remember that there is always someone that has things worse than you do. Constant complaining about what is wrong in your life will keep you focused on that. The opposite is true as well – focusing on what is right in your life will keep you focused on that. Focusing on the negative will bring you down while focusing on the positive will lift you up.
Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have. This is very closely related to not complaining about your life. Being grateful for what you do have keeps you in a positive place, whereas focusing on what you don’t have keeps you in a negative place. Focusing on what you do have, regardless of how little or how much that may be, is a great expression of gratitude.
Model your attitude. Modeling your attitude of gratitude is a great way to spread it to others. We’ve all heard the Golden Rule to “treat others the way you want to be treated”. Showing your appreciation to others shows them that you like to be treated this way too. An attitude of gratitude can be quite infectious!
Be satisfied with simple things and be mindful of little things. Being grateful for the little things in our lives is just as important (if not, more so) than being grateful for the big things. Our lives are filled with little things every day that we can be grateful for. What about that front row parking spot you found when you were running late? Or the beautiful weather outside? How about the store clerk that went out of her way to help you? This may take a little practice, but there are many little things throughout the day that we can be grateful for if we take the time to notice them.
Give to someone else. This is the best way to spread your gratitude of attitude. There are so many different ways to give to someone else. You could volunteer your time to help those less fortunate or give you time to children by mentoring them. The possibilities are endless but could make a huge difference in someone’s life without you evening knowing it. If they in turn give to someone else, the cycle could continue without end.
Keep a gratitude journal. Let’s just be honest here: there are some days when it is hard to find anything to be grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help with that. There are preprinted journals so you can just fill in the blanks or you can make your own. The important thing is to find at least 5 things each day to be grateful for, no matter how big or small those things are. A gratitude journal can serve two purposes: it will help you stop and remember what you are grateful for or it can serve as inspiration on days when you find it difficult to find anything to be grateful for by reading over past days.
Practice random acts of kindness. This can be one of the most fun and rewarding ways to live a life of gratitude, especially when it’s done anonymously. Surprise someone with something unexpected. You may never know what it meant to them but it will likely make their day. Try putting a note in your child’s lunch or bringing treats to the office to share. Even a small gesture can mean so much to someone.
Living a life of gratitude is one of the easiest ways to live a happier life. It takes very little effort to show someone you appreciate them but will mean so much to them. There are so many ways to make gratitude a part of our life and to spread that attitude to others. Make today the day you start living a life of gratitude and spread your light to the rest of the world!
Chapter 10 Extend Your Philanthropy Past Money
Do Not Burden Your Children with Unearned Wealth
While you want to give your money away, you want to give it to people and causes that will truly benefit from it. Unearned wealth can be a tremendous burden and stunt the growth and spiritual development of those who receive it. Wealth is earned by creating and giving value. Make sure your children learn this lesson.
Have Fun!
Be sure to have as much fun giving your money away as you did earning it! Helping other people can be hard work, but hard work can be some of the most fun you have. Enjoy the process. Find projects and opportunities that jazz you and wow your soul.
The Law of Tithing
Tithing is the common denominator of the truly wealthy! The law of tithing is simple. It will change your life. It is one of the most important principles you will ever learn. Give away 10 percent of all your increase!
It is as simple as that. If you make $100, give away $10. Now if you really want to shine, to be a star in the firmament of humanity, extend your tithing and your philanthropy beyond the money.
Give away 10 percent of your treasure. Give away 10 percent of your leisure. Give away 10 percent of your talent. Give away 10 percent of your ideas.
Don’t just give money; give time too! Spend a few days a month helping others. Volunteer. Help a friend or neighbor. Share your talents. And give of your knowledge, wisdom, and ideas. I love giving speeches to children’s groups. I never charge for these; it is part of my tithing.
Dee Hock, founder of the Visa credit card, literally the largest commercial venture in human history, teaches that community consists in the interactions we have to which we do not affix a monetary value. The more things you give instead of selling, the richer your life will become.
Have a Large Personal Goal for Charity
Decide right now that you will help in a big and meaningful way! Resources, money, talents, time, and ideas will flow to you magically from the universe if you are committed to giving them away to others. You will become as big as you want to give.
